red boxer briefs

my wife bought me
some new
underwear because
every pair
i own is old
and torn
and stained.

“but they’re so
comfortable,”
i tell her.

“i don’t care,” she
says, “they’re
hideous
and i don’t
like them.”

so she came home
from the mall
with six
packages of new
underwear
for me.

boxer briefs,
just like
i like.

“try them on,”
she commands.
“try on the
red pair.”

i try on the
red pair
but they are stiff
and itchy
and uncomfortable.

“they’re stiff
and itchy and
uncomfortable,”
i say to her,
“i like my old ones.”

“i don’t care.
those old ones are
going to be
thrown out,”
she says.  “plus,
you look sexy
in these red ones.”

she grabs my
hand and
leads me to the
bed.

“i think these
new underwear will
work out just
fine, baby...”

“shhh,” she whispers,
“you can take them
off now.”

-published in James River Poetry Review